speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
