walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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