I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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