If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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