You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
