Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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