im six kinds of drunk right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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