You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
