We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
