grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
