it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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