4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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