"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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