he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
