Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
