There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
