I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
