Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
