I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize