ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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