The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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