i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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