I'm jealous of your bromance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
