when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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