You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
