I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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