i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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