I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
