There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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