we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
