I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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