I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
