come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
