he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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