If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
