Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
