she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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