How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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