The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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