As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
