i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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