k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
