Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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