You're so nebulous sometimes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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