forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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