Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
