She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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