you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
