I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The uberlube is also flammable
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
