guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
