don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
