Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
