God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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