best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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