So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
