Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
