FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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