I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I color on your dick again?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
