i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
