It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
