my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
