Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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