He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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