Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize