remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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